Not everything is simple as Black and White,
and i'm not gonna give up without a fight,
Dying in it's glory of fire and magic,
The phoenix's death is sweet and tragic,
I won't go down with a bended knee,
Even though i haven't found the magic key,
since i suffer might as well struggle till the end,
and if i can hold my ground i'll be a man!
stoned @ 11:17 PM
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I'm what people call a pessimist,
a person that thinks everything's piss,
but to tell the truth i don't think so,
i'm just tired of explaining everything like a show,
my parents brought me up differently,
and heck it was far from easy,
i grew up seeing what people don't,
i appreciate what most people won't,
growing up differently was torturing,
when everyone's having fun i was suffering,
but don't get me wrong what they did was right,
through pain i gained an unique insight,
that's why people call me disturbed,
benjamin teoh the introvert,
the person with a negative look on everything,
but i just see the truth of everything,
when i meant i see the truth,
i'm not being so big headed i go thru the roof,
i just see things in a different light,
which is grey and dark instead of white,
people tend to be bling to things they dislike,
they'll tell the thing "go take a hike",
what i do is i accept it as it is,
at the same time gaining the title "pessimist",
i'm not prud of alot of things in me,
cause a failure in life is what i see,
but the perspective i have in life i appreciate,
for that relativity is how Kai is made...
stoned @ 10:34 PM
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It grabs my heart and tears my soul,
everytime leaving me horribly cold,
alone and shivering no one cares,
as i try to stay afloat in this nightmare,
I can laugh and mix around,
but until eternity i will be bound,
to this unsettling feeling of being lonely,
even if i'm in a place where people is all i can see,
for i feel i shall never blend in,
if i do it is but a lie to within,
people tell me be different be unique,
but instead of being great i end up a lonely prick,
what they say i do not agree,
what they enjoy i cannot see,
i do not wish to join them either,
but still there's this horrible fear,
i'm different but i'm not great,
i am but a useless rubbish people hate,
but if i cannot be great why be different?
and yet this decision i cannot turn,
i am brought up this way,
like a pot of different clay,
i see what other's usually don't,
i appreciate what other's won't,
i am grateful to be able to be like this,
but at times i really miss,
a sense of belonging,
it is such an alien feeling,
and yet no matter how different i am,
i am but the useless lousy Ben,
failure in all subjects and a loner,
everyday heart getting colder,
so what if i can see what other's don't,
or feel what other's won't,
when in the end a simple gate i can't open,
all i can do is watch my future burn,
along the way i lose my happiness,
i noticed it's not the first,
i feel genuinely happy lesser and lesser,
always feeling distant and colder,
a smile on my face,
my heart cold as space,
a laugh on my lips,
it is but an automaton that's fixed,
i am different and uncontent,
with all my feelings getting pent,
midlife crisis during my teen,
I'm lonely, sad, confused and depressed bout everything...
stoned @ 10:33 PM
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